I'm 26 now, but the notes will keep on coming,...
If you ever do get pregnant, please tell me you never ever took professional pictures cradling your bare belly.
A To-Do List For Us To Cross Off: a (professional) comedian a drummer a policeman a corporate white collar man the complete opposite of a corporate white collar man Ben Schwartz
I think you’re officially too old for the slutty Halloween costumes now
To Google: What happened to Honey Boo Boo
Mindy Kaling and BJ Novak are totally married by now, yeah?
Learn to play an instrument, already!
Did you develop at least one catch phrase?
Wes Anderson themed wedding, am I right?
To Google: What does One Direction look like now
I’m dying to know, did you end up with a Chris Evans or a Jay Baruchel?
We just found out Jessica Simpson is pregnant. I hope you sold the idea that her child should star on her own Toddlers and Tiaras-style MTV reality show by now. You’re welcome, Hollywood.
If all else fails, get me a puppy. Or pizza.
Just remind your husband that you’re not nearly as awful as Skylar White in Breaking Bad and you’ll be guaranteed to win all arguments.
Don’t make the same mistakes twice. Unless that mistake is a really cute boy.
Do we still get carded for looking too young?
Never Google that again. You know. Don’t make me repeat myself.
Name your son the kind of name that’s totally worth having a crush on. No one likes a Eugene.
Screw finding a long-term boyfriend or husband- you know your only goal in life is to have a pet dog.
Have we figured out whether or not we like ourselves with bangs yet? I don’t think we’ll ever know but I’m sure we’ll keep trying.
You never could pull off crop pants, so please say you’ve stopped trying.
I hope you’ve learned to sit like a lady when wearing a dress by now.
Find someone who loves going to Disneyland just as much as you, and I think you could say you lived a fulfilled life.
I bet you we’re glad we called dibs on Indio Downey.
Please tell me we eventually went to Canada, had some poutine, visited Degrassi, and dated a Canuck or what is your life even aboot?!
So what’s Ryan Gosling like now? Does he look like the Lars and/or the end of Blue Valentine version of himself?
I hope you never stop dressing up for Halloween. Even if you gotta wear the ugly over-sized mom costumes now.
I hope we make enough disposable income, because I have a feeling you still really want that slide to your bed.
Maybe we should’ve dated Asians, amirite?
I still think we should marry the next guy who says they’ve read all of Harry Potter and reference something from Doug.
So, did the Arrested Development movie ever happen or…
If you haven’t gone to the Wizarding World yet, you need to sort your priorities.
Do they make closets like the one on Clueless yet?
Let’s just avoid drinking Patron, forever.
How are our boobs doing? Should I be regretting letting them free-fall all those times?
You had a really big obsesh for the actor Jay Baruchel. Is he still a thing? Cause if he’s not, we gotta look him up cause we’d totally have a chance now!
Look, all I ask is that you avoid shiny leggings as pants is all.
I hope you’re reading this while you’re naked under white down comforter sheets with a pit bull lying at the foot of your bed and a naked Jewish man with scruff and tousled hair, asleep next to you after an afternoon delight of ravaging. Ravaging steaks, I mean.
I hope our quotation marks tattoo didn’t morph into sperm-looking blobs.
Did we get to leave the country? Did we get to experience foreign cultures? What I’m asking is did we get to have foreign sex in another country?!
I hope you remember that you’re lactose intolerant before you eat all that mac n cheese in a public place. Because we didn’t remember one time but I know you remember what happened after that time.
If you are a mom to hella dogs and no children… I’m proud of you.
I hope we at least dated one black guy.
Can we make something other than cereal and burnt toast? Or are we at least blowing someone who can?
If you’re around Demi Moore’s age and are divorcing, but you’re divorcing an Ashton, then I’m proud of you.